The Perfection Problem

On the first day of kindergarten I sat and watched my five year old daughter try to perfectly trace her letters. I realized at this moment that perfectionism can begin at a very young age. She was sad, crying and frustrated and wanted to quit because she could not perfectly trace the number three or the letter H. I looked at my little daughter, with compassion and wondered if at any point in my life did I resemble this? I tried to think quickly about what I would have wanted someone to say to me in the moments of life when I felt I needed to be perfect. I gently encouraged her and said,

“Honey, as long as you’re doing your best, that is good enough. Your writing does not need to be perfect, you are doing a great job and one day you will look back at this kindergarten book and see how far you’ve come in your writing and penmanship.”

I don’t think she heard me at first and I had to repeat myself many days in a row. There were more tears and frustration but now she completely writes with freedom. Her letters are messy and crooked but the burden of perfection has lifted in this area of her life.

When I think about this moment I realize that the perfection problem still weighs occasionally in my life.  I’ve tried to be perfect in many areas.  I have tried to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect daughter, the perfect employee, I’ve tried to find the perfect diet and I have held myself to many other unrealistic standards of perfection. I tend to take any infraction and deviation from my personal standard as a hit to my character. I am always trying my hardest to accomplish life.

I have realized, however, that the advice and kindness I would speak to someone else, the kindness I showed my daughter,  is not the way I speak to myself. Unfortunately this struggle with perfection problem has also hindered my relationship with God in the past. There were times I felt I needed to be perfect at reading the Bible, perfect at praying and perfect in my actions. When I did not succeed at this, instead of accepting my imperfection and going forward with doing my best, I would choose to give up. I would choose to feel like I didn’t measure up and would wonder how God could love someone who cannot keep their end of the relationship. In other words I have always tried to perfectly trace the letters of my life.

As we begin 2023 I am not one to set resolutions but I do like to set goals and during my goal-setting at the end of last year and the beginning of this one, two words came to mind: Grace and Freedom. These words are crucial to our everyday lives as believers. If you struggle with perfectionism like me, or even if that is not a battle in your life, I want you to live in the freedom of the gospel and the gospel is filled with grace.

This verse reminds me that the only boasting I can do is to boast in God and the ways in which he has worked in my life and heart. If I am being honest, if at any point in my life had I succeeded at being perfect, I would have tried to take the credit. However, God has allowed me to embrace the fact I am not perfect in order to see how wonderful, gentle and full of grace He is. I am learning to embrace the chaos of imperfection in my life and cover it with the grace of God. Just like a mama bird would cover her babies from the rain, God shelters me under His wings against the pelting nature of perfection.

Though, I can now vividly see his grace in my life and his love for me despite my imperfections and flaws and I am committing to showing myself grace when I don’t measure up to the fictional perfection standard I have created. My house is never going to look like Pinterest, I’m going to make mistakes as a wife, mom and friend. I lose my temper, I get annoyed, I get frustrated, I get tired and cranky….I am not perfect. Some days the traced letters of my life are even and neat and other days they are sloppily etched on the paper, messy and crooked. God always shows me grace.        

And I pray as you start this new year, you will remember to show yourself grace and find freedom from perfection by resting in our perfect savior Jesus Christ, the promises he gives us and His peace that passes all understanding. God promises to work all things out for our good and to complete the good work he has started in our lives. God is refining us as we grow in our relationship with him. We will look back one day at a struggle, sin, trial or chaotic day to day life and realize that God is perfect and powerful and He will align all of our crooked letters to straight lines for his glory.

The Lord Bless you and Keep you,

Kara